I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
