since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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