My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
