I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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