There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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