All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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