Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
