Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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