life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All the doctor said was why
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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