there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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