Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
