somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
