That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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