he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
