Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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