omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?