she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
