Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
