Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
