Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
