Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
