We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
