hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
