he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
