Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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