Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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