and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
