I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
