You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize