ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
