I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
