saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she smelled like a LAN party
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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