Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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