Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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