I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to