you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
