only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
