People with herpes should wear stickers.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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