I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
