I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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