You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
