Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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