Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
