Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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