You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
