Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
