I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
bring money and cleavage
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
