there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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