We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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