Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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