piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
