did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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