'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Found the puke drawer
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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