Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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