the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
