He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
