i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
