Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
